Re think

I have to admit,
I didn't want this baby.
Gasp!  I know.
But you see, I was in the middle of having a fine time being me.  I was in the midst of training for races, looking and feeling pretty again, sleeping :), and enjoying having older kids that didn't need me as much as before.  I could take a coffee to the computer and sit there for an hour and nobody would notice my absence.  I could paint my nails ...

When I found out I was pregnant again, I cried.
I checked and double checked.
I told God another babe was not in my plan book.
He was silent.

At about 4-5 months I felt the baby move.
I melted.

Now as I am in my final weeks watching by tummy tumble from silent little hiccups within, my heart cries.  How could I have been so selfish?  The growing anticipation and love for this new member of our family is bursting inside of me and bursting from the other children.
Our 7 yr. old goes into the baby room daily to check that everything is in order and just right.  She even has a diaper laid out on the changing table, ready for action.  All three of them have to kiss and hug my tummy goodnight and tell our baby that we love her.
Oh, selfish, pitiful me!  How could I have known what a blessing this baby was going to be! 
God knew.
He also knew my heart needed fine tuning and what exactly to tune it with....the rhythm of another heartbeat from within.